We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
