Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
