just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
