Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
