he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
