You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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