Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
