Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
