We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
