I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
