i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
