You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
