I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
