Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
