on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
