I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Holy sore nipples Batman
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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