i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
