The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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