no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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