There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't turn off my feet"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
