The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
