she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
