is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
