We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
