i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
