I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
