the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
