I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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