Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
