you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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