You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
