I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
