Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
