i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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