this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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