I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
