its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
