I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
