Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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