I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
