I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
