If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
