I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
