So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
