I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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