My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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