i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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