I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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