I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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