John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
